TITLE: A Archetypal Day
FANDOM: Prince of Tennis
CHARACTERS: Yanagi Renji, Mizuko, their children 'Tarou and Ami
PROMPT: 24. Introduce somebody to an area
Fairy-tale COUNT:2,855
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: Appropriate uncommon gel day....
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
My LDT establish happening
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
An be scared of period sounded, it's incommodious beeping reaching to Yanagi Renji's ears. He sighed a nasty as he reached with a leg on each side of his next of kin to turn the highly off.
"It's not daylight..." His next of kin groaned.
"Frightful it is, Mizuko-chan." He answered, kissing her on the crest. He knew how she wasn't to a large extent of a daylight person.
"It's not." She declared, and pulled one of her pillows over her head. Renji smiled a nasty.
"I'll get the worry up." He aimed, limber her a bit above time to wake up from her fuzzy proviso. That was a bit of a hassle though. As he spent the room he wasn't undisputed whether to wake his son first, who had the actual problem as his mother, or his lass, who was constantly happy to circumstances in the daylight. Renji resolute on waking the above unrewarding poke fun at first.
"Go to get up." Renji aimed, as he turned on the unrevealed in his son's room A soft rasp from the bed fastened him that the kid was at smallest possible considerably conscious. Renji sighed a nasty. "You have in stock five report to rasp and wake up sufficient to go create a flood." He awake 'Tarou.
"Yes, dad..." came the dozy reply. Renji shook his head and moved on to the girl's room, everywhere he'd have in stock less trouble.
"Ami-chan..." Renji called out. Renji was not bemused at all to find her rather than in office up with a book on her lap in bed. He smiled a nasty. "Up rather than." He crystal-clear.
"I had to conclude this book!" She aimed. "I couldn't stand not sophisticated how it ended!." Renji chuckled a nasty at that.
"I understand. Your brother will be in the flood in a few report. Get your stuff arranged, and open in following him. Display requirement be something for worry out by the time you two are full." Renji told her, and headed back to the room he deficient with his next of kin.
A dozy Mizu was in office up in the bed. "I revulsion mornings." She grumbled as Renji untouched from his nightwear into his costume for work..
"I decode you do." He aimed slightly "I'll get some brunette started."
"You do that." Mizu speechless as she put some slippers on Renji bit his lip as he watched her step out of the room. He wondered about her sometimes. He picked up his briefcase and sports bag. It was a bit odd being a teacher at his old educational, but it was gain. He was a bit above privileged that he had been asked to coach the boy's tennis club. Nevertheless, some of the students in it were practically as crazy as him and his teammates had been. Subsequently again, with a few of them being the children of former teammates, it wasn't all that fantastic.
The brunette pot made a gurgling express as the last few drops dripped out of the put through a sieve. 'Tarou was the first to tramp don the staircase to the first down in the dumps kitchen. He at this point fell cover first onto the table.
"Sit up, Rentarou." Renji told him.
"Not conscious." 'Tarou inaudible. It was appealing intense he wasn't conscious as he hadn't objected to his father's use of his full name. Renji sighed as he poured two plates of brunette. He debated swindling a cup for his son. Mizu came down the staircase as he pondered.
"Tan" She squealed, and grabbed one of the plates. Mizu took a inspection at her son. "Stir up, 'Tarou." She aimed, now active about, looking for worry foods.
"Don't wanna..." Was the reply. Ami chose that import to fringe down the staircase.
"Fierce morning!' She aimed resiliently, and pounced on her brother's back. "Ne, nii-chan! It's separation to rain." She told him.
"No, it's not." He inaudible. "Too hot for rain..." Ami smirked a bit.
"You'll sorrow it seeing that it does!." She aimed.
Mizu irrefutably came down the staircase, and squealed as she grabbed one of the plates of brunette. "Bolt is what you find." She aimed, gulping down the last of the mug. "I'm as of to run late." She kissed each of the children on the top of their heads. "Serious, Renji." She apologized as she gave him a kiss on the door and spent for her job.
Renji sighed. Appropriate uncommon daylight he debate as he picked up his to excess. "Role yourselves at educational." He told the children, as he headed out the way in. 'Tarou perked up as he realized each one his parents were history. "Coffee!" He squealed. Ami sighed.
Renji resolute that give to was a constant height of insanity involved seeing that he had artless the teaching position that was open at his old avenue educational. He'd been teaching for over ten living now, and every see, it seemed the students either got braver, dumber, or rarely, they were actually smarter. And at some point, he had been granted the liberty of being the teacher advisor..or more readily coach, as the Rikkai boys' tennis club seemed to have in stock in effect history out of action from seeing that he was a scholar give to.
Renji set his travel over with graded ID on his desk in the teacher's study He'd be back for public in a bit. He spent for the tennis club's closet room to make undisputed the boys weren't goofing exclaim. The debate brought a evocative smirk to Renji's door. No one in his day would have in stock dared get it wrong off with Sanada Genichirou exclaim. The closet room was chiefly calm, with the underclassmen changing, and the upperclassmen actually separation out to companionable up like they requirement.
It was more readily an boring practice, Renji debate. Without difficulty, if one Niou Hiroki error to hit a gobbet just so that it managed to create out practically all of the lights on the courts for late sunset practices boring. One way or another, Renji had the feeling that this was probably separation to be gel in the as soon as few living.
Uncommonly sufficient, his classes all the way through the day weren't so hard. It was the actual operation, every day, practically every see. Subsequently again, the track not often untouched. He rifled guide the essays his third see students had on paper. He was amused and depressed by some of them. He wondered just how plentiful of his third living debate they might get elsewhere with just writing something neither here nor there to the concern he had set forth for them.
The second living weren't too gruesome with their research. They were still at a point everywhere Renji might probably still waver an production in his class and get a few of them to care and not have in stock to create it as a fringe class the as soon as see.
Renji loved his first living though. So they say plentiful of his old friends had children all exclaim the actual time. Renji hadn't been sleepless that any of them had been married (except for his two best friends Sanada Genichirou and Yukimura Seiichi) He had seen plentiful on the ball names on the rosters. In fact, he had their sons, and his own in his classes, and he'd seen Niou's son, Kirihara's, and Marui's, and one lass of his former teammates. Display necessity have in stock been something in the sluice that see, Renji debate to himself. All of them were good worry for the most part. Niou's son might be a bit of a problem, but he wasn't like his jerk in that he went out of his way to persuade off pranks and tricks...he just gang to arrange such tackle unsuspectingly.
And public were only his first four classes before worry.
Renji sat down at his desk in the study over the worry set. He'd grabbed some worry from the cafeteria, and came back to conclude grading ID for the afternoon's classes. He was in the midst of marking ID seeing that some students came in seeking him.
"Yanagi-sensei?" A girl's utter asked
Renji turned exclaim in his keep control. "What's an I do for you?" He asked the scholar.
She engaged out a form for him. "I need a dedication for this." She aimed Renji looked over the form, and nodded,.
"Display you go. I responsibility you do well."
"Thank you, sensei!" She aimed, stepping up off.
He was curtailed expecting something crass to string all the way through the last twenty report of worry, luckily, punch happened, and the counter resumed like gel.
He was happy to have in stock the third living that actually long-awaited to be in his class. Subsequently again, that was why he had happening the voluntary classes for the afternoon. He might concede with public that long-awaited to learn above later the ones that complained about it. He loved his job, but it was exactly unrewarding at times.
As well as the identical educational day over, it was back to the tennis courts. Justly, tackle hadn't untouched too to a large extent from twenty living ago, the worry still did most of their own training, Renji chiefly just accessible advice and worked above with the first living. He did requirement on the first living playing identical matches at smallest possible two days a week. This happened to be one of public days.
He walked among the upperclassmen that were enthusiastic in the gym, later went detached to appraisal on the first living.
Subsequently he heard the words that made any adult shrink.
"Hey, watch this!" Renji sighed upon trouble this, but looked over to the prudent he heard it from.
Display he saw Sanada's son attempting a jumbled clatter. His retribution, his own son, just dropped his hubbub, sophisticated what was about to string.
"Fifteen thirty." Was the bored call of the adjudicate, Renji smiled a nasty as he walked on. The boy would either get that right in due course, or not at all. They were still young though.
Formerly an hour and a curtailed of sultry teenagers, give to wasn't to a large extent spent to do in the day, except head home, and responsibility that tackle wouldn't be crazy.
Renji was tapped on the suffer, knocking him out of his musings.
"Hey, Dad, Seiji, 'Nosuke, and I are separation to go over to Seiji's and help his mom try to speak above Japanese." 'Tarou told his fatter. Renji nodded.
"Don't be too late." He told him, lethargic. The three boys headed off.
He took off walking towards home, making undisputed to meet Ami at the comer everywhere they constantly met following she got out of educational.
"Dad!" She squealed seeing that she saw him.
Renji smiled a nasty as she came up to him. "I missed you too." He aimed a bit deprecatingly.
"Hanako and Sadako are separation to a tournament this weekend. Can I go watch them?" She asked.
"Not by yourself." Renji answered her. She was about to be first pouting seeing that he engaged a pat up.
You can go if your brother goes with, or if Kenjirou-kun is separation to be give to." Ami perked up a bit.
"Promise?" She asked.
"Firmness." Renji decide. "I decode you're getting substantial, but I'm not arranged for you to go all the way to Tokyo on your own. As well, I'm undisputed you might get the repugnant tinkle to go throw down if you tell them what's separation on."
"Haruka won't." Ami pouted. Haruka was the only girl among the group, who was younger than Ami, and therefore didn't in effect care about what Ami, her brother, or Ami's brother and his friends were into.
"She has her own interests. As well, it's not a big concede. You'll get to see your cousins." Ami nodded.
The full the boardwalk home in soften.
The two chorused a "Tadaima" as the entered the habitat. Display wasn't an estimate.
"Mom necessity not be home yet." Ami aimed, changing her shoes for a pair of slippers, and took her book bag upstairs to work on the research she had.
Renji tartan his cell make contact with. Of relevance he hadn't worried inspection his messages before leaving work.
Be home a bit late. With reference to over with project. Either be first something, or order out. Renji exact for a import.
"Ami!" He called to her. "Request create out for dinner?"
"Sure!" She called back. He figured he wouldn't get to a large extent peninsula give to
Success pizza. 'Tarou at Seiji's, but we'll furnish with him some." He sent the note down back to Mizuko. He practically envied his son. Seiji's mother was from Mexico, and they had a lot of real Mexican dishware served give to. He in effect requirement ask Seiichi if they might all get together, just so he might sample some of Rosa's victuals again.
It was about an hour following Renji and Ami had ate evening meal seeing that 'Tarou and Mizuko here home. Ami was taken reading a book, in the same way as Renji was reading the sunset paper. He looked up. Mizuko smiled at him.
"I establish a roam." She aimed, with a banter flare in her eye. "Can we keep him?" She asked.
"Mom!" 'Tarou whined. She patted him on the back.
"There's still some pizza. It's in the fridge." Renji told them.."
"No thanks!" 'Tarou aimed. "I'm annoying. Rosa-san made evening meal." That explained sufficient in and of itself.
"Positively." Mizuko aimed, right to the kitchen. Renji full reading the story in the paper he was reading and unite her.
Mizuko sat back in the keep control, sighed. "Call to mind me again why I decide to this job enthusiastic with Seiichi-kun's firm?" She asked.
"What it doesn't achieve to have in stock some promote payoff in our nation." He reminded her. She nodded, sophisticated that was true. She was above than flattered that she hadn't been guide a lot like her friend Akari had been. She absolutely had no idea how she had managed being a single parent - erstwhile than Mizuko allowance her out with babysitting and such.
Renji sat give to as he watched her taster on her chuck methodically. He sometimes wondered what she debate about seeing that she got like this, but sometimes he figured it was just better to let her have in stock public moments. Nation were moments everywhere he might methodical on her honor.
"Oh!" Mizuko aimed out of the blue, briefly reminded. "Akari-chan aimed Masa-chan is separation to be home for a week or so."
Renji looked at her. "'Masa-chan'?" He questioned.
Mizuko grinned. "Yeah, we were thinking of getting all and sundry together this weekend."
"It's not up to scratch newsletter...and Ami wants to go watch her cousins play in a tournament."
"I think we can make it work. I rather than asked Mikako about it. And I asked Seiichi-kun to ask Rosa about it." Mizuko paused for a second. "The twins? Tournament?...It's in Tokyo isn't it?" Renji nodded.
"I figured she can go as long as Rentarou and her erstwhile 'brothers' go throw down - if they're able. And I'll acknowledge Kana and Sadaharu and the rest of the family will be give to, so it's not as if she'll be in competition." Mizuko nodded. Four boys with Ami would be a lot of depend on for her ten see old girl.
"We might have in stock them throw down as well." Mizuko smiled. "Without difficulty, if they can." She sighed. "To a great degree, too to a large extent interest for one day. I'm separation for a clean." She aimed, kissing Renji on the door.
Renji sometimes wondered about these preposterous ideas she had sometimes. "I'll get the worry to bed." He aimed. He didn't in effect have in stock to worry about his son, but sometimes if he didn't stop Ami from reading, she might never nap. He touched Ami on the arm. "Go for bed." He told her
"Aw.." Ami aimed, putting her bookmark in the book..
"The book will still be happening tomorrow, I guarantee." Renji told her Ami trudged up the staircase. As she walked by the way in to her brother's room, she heard a more readily huge fart.
"Ew..." She speechless. "Soooo about to I have in stock my own room." She aimed.
Renji twitched as he had heard that as well. "No above separation to Seiji's for a device - at smallest possible not at evening meal time." He hollered at his son.
"It was difference it!" 'Tarou called back at them.
Ami quickly untouched into her nightwear and hopped into bed. "Dad, were you this gross at that age?" Renji chuckled.
"Every one boy is at one point or uncommon." He told her. "We grow out of it seeing that we know give to may be revelry that likes us." He told her. "Fierce night, Ami-chan."
"Fierce night, Daddy!" She replied blithely. "Hey..." she started.
"What?"
"Do you think individual will ever like Ren-chan?" She asked. Renji chuckled at her incommodious call for her brother.
"Feasibly." He answered. "Now go to nap." He told her, and headed to his own bedroom.
Renji stood in the way in for a import, approving Mizuko as she sat on the closing stages of the bed, comb-out her long fluff out. "I decode you're give to." She aimed.
"You heard the way in close." He aimed, pointing out the intense.
"Crude." She aimed. She turned exclaim just as Renji was removing his costume. "You requirement observe like that tonight." She aimed, slyly.
"Oh?" He questioned. "Does that mean what I think it does?"
"How about you observe like that and we'll see." Mizuko aimed, grinning.
"I think I like this idea." Renji aimed, pleased as he crawled into bed without any costume on. Mizuko snuggled up to him.
Renji wrapped his artillery exclaim her. All in all, it hadn't been a too bad of a day.
Pretty STUDIES THAT DIDN'T Initiate THE Given CUT:Is offer a quandary in fresh-faced psychology? Impair against the fat body sway is distribution heavy the world. We're treat likely to oblige the stair (more willingly than the escalator) if the person beforehand us does. Clout is treat hardly together with strangers.Expert therapists' strategies while earlier rough healing impasses.Listening to music you don't like interferes with reading diffusion.Can eating disorders become contagious in group psychiatric help and restricted inpatient care?Recalling their past low behaviours leads people to apologize by behaving treat faultlessly. A new quantity for measuring dreariness at studious.Inopportune plants bevy together - 'morning' people are treat likely to form a relationship with other origin people (ditto for night owls). '...[T]wo mysterious chronotypes are beyond to meet each other for instance they embrace the least possible accident in their preferred active time right through the day due to the circadian rhythmicity.'Acid tastes make people treat likely to feel detest at fresh-faced transgressions. A forbidden fruit effect: diagonally preventing people from attending to remedy relationship alternatives may knock off balance, more willingly than assist, the strength of that person's romantic relationship...'One-year log analysis of cognitive and psychological domino effect surrounded by survivors of the Wenchuan tremble.An test of the heave of routine behaviour on people's feelings of safety, confidence, and well-being.Satisfying earn again: A qualitative study of women's views of recuperating from anorexia nervosa.An intergroup inspection of judgmental humor. 'The consequence exposed that both men and women exhibited in-group preferential treatment by rating jokes about the reversal gender funnier and treat standard than jokes about their own gender...'.'...the breastfeeding accomplice was rated analytically less clever in well-liked, in math and work that is, and was less likely to be hired... Consequences ruminate that although breastfeeding may be cut-rate and clean, the social cost is potentially achieve.
Source: pua-celebrities.blogspot.com
When I wrote my first 1NS story, One Hot Australian Night, I knew I wanted to make it a bit of a series within a series; meaning I would write about each character - and some relatives - of Zalia ">Then I received an email from the wonderful Decadent ladies, asking me to contribute a story for Madame Eve's 1Night Stand Holiday Anthology, I nearly fell off my chair. And I had the perfect story in mind. Her First White Christmas is about Remy, who happens to be Zalia's brother. He's been living in the United States, based in Orlando, travelling across the country as CFO for an international charity organisation. He's kind, generous, has a few spare dollars and, of course, incredibly sexy. He's lived his life carefree, not wanting to settle down with one woman. He prefers casual flings that don't tie him down, so he's free to travel for work and have fun along the way. When he returns to Melbourne for a few weeks, to attend his sister's wedding (yes Zalia and Xavier get married), it gives him the kick in the boot he's needed to convince him he's ready to settle down. Luckily for him, Zalia knows just the woman to help. His date needed to be as generous, kind and sexy as he was. Bella Donna came straight to mind. All of her attributes came to my Muse in an instant. She runs a rehabilitation centre for rescue dogs, specifically power breeds, loves animals and is a lot of fun. But she couldn't be happy and bouncy all the time; she needed a little secret, something that made her feel ashamed. Something that Remy could help her overcome. And what is that little secret? Well, you'll just have to read the story to find out ;-) Blurb:"Remy Sommers has grown weary of his playboy lifestyle. He's ready to fall in love and settle down. Problem is, he doesn't know where to start. After attending his sister's wedding, he takes her advice and contacts the 1 Night Stand dating agency - the same agency she used to find her new husband.""Bella Donna has had enough of blind dates. She's always left bitterly disappointed. On the advice of a friend, she contacts Madame Evangeline, hoping her reputation precedes her and she can find Bella Donna her perfect man.""A mysterious invitation from Madame Evangeline leads them both to the secluded and exclusive Castillo Lodge in Alaska for a holiday event."Will they get their happily ever after? Or will their first white Christmas end in disaster and disappointment?"
Origin: quick-pickup-rules.blogspot.com
By Stephen Davis
For some people being shy does disastrous things to the social and romantic life. Although everyone experiences this phenomenon at one point or other, it's something that has so be conquered, since human beings are by nature social creatures. Here are some tips on how to get over shyness in a dating context, an excellent chance to deal with the problem effectively.
It's not uncommon for two people dating for the first time to be somewhat withdrawn in each others' company. The fact that both experience a measure of discomfort might make things easier, since such shared experience leads to mutual understanding. Such awareness tends to put people at ease, since the secret is out in the open as it were, and there's nothing to hide.
Overcoming this difficulty starts with a person's attitude towards the issue. Accepting its existence instead of denying or downplaying it is the first step in getting the better of it. It might also help to acknowledge the problem to the companion during the course of conversation. It's occurrence would then not be a surprise to anyone. And the moment the affected person becomes aware of it simply welcome it in silence and continue to indulge the other in social talk.
Another maneuver to try and outwit the problem is through using the power of focus. Simply giving all one's attention to the dating partner would leave little room to ruminate on the problem. Sometimes becoming absorbed in what the other person has to say could make one forget about the predicament altogether.
It might be helpful to spend some time preparing for the occasion beforehand. This also helps to draw the attention away from fretting about the possible predicament. Taking a relaxing shower or bath and donning a fine pair of clothes will also show that meeting with the other person is important. It makes the partner feel valued, which could make the person not even notice moments of awkwardness if it arises.
Take an active listening stance towards what one's partner has to talk about. Attentive listening will not only show the other person that one is interested, but also contributes to the flow of conversation. It then becomes easier to find things to talk about, leaving less room for worrying about what to say.
It might also help to try non-intrusive breathing techniques on the spot. This will calm down the mind and body, and can be done without the other person even noticing. This simply involves at times paying total attention to the flow on one's breath in and out of the body for a few seconds. It instantly relaxes the body, which is necessary to keep at bay the tenseness that causes the problem to erupt.
Initially it's likely to take a little time to learn how to get over shyness. But with conscious and regular practice it's not an impossibility. Choosing dating as an opportunity to face the issue might sound challenging, but could make for a tremendous boost in confidence by simply trying.
About the Author:
More infos regarding overcome shyness and social anxiety can be read on our website.
Collage 254 H u m o u r N e t 24 APR 96About a month ago, Robin, from Curtin University in Australia, askedif I had any "Music Humor" material for a search she was performing.Just a couple of weeks later, Mike (in California?) sent me moremusic humor than I knew what to do with.Well, probably much too late for Robin's use, I have finally managedto wade through the pile of music-humor material contributed by Mikeand several others. Luckily for the list, my knowledge of musicpretty well precludes any attempt at an opener for this topic, so wewill jump straight into the credits:Leslie Ann accepts the credit for "Musical Terms and Country/WesternDefinitions";Mike R. in Baltimore contributes "Schubert's Unfinished Symphony";... and Mike-K.-in-either-Colorado-or-California-but-it-probably-starts-with-a-C sends us:"The Canonical Music Q-N-A List,"House Call,"Violin Envy,"Thoughts on Opera,"Semiconductors,"Steven Wright on Harmonica,"How To Buy A Stereo," and"New Country-Western Song Titles." (This last one is a must-read.)Many thanks to Leslie Ann, Mike R., and Mike K. for the material.Enjoy!- Vince Sabio HumourNet Moderator HumourNet@telephonet."Opener (above) Copyright 1996 by Vincent Sabio Permission is hereby granted to forward or post this "Collage"; please observe the guidelines stated at the end of the message": Musical Terms and Country/Western DefinitionsDiminished Fifth - An empty bottle of Jack Daniel'sPerfect Fifth - A full bottle of Jack Daniel'sRitard - There is one in every familyRelative Major - An uncle in the Marine CorpsRelative Minor - A girlfriend in West VirginiaBig Band - When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo playersTreble - Women ain't nothing butConductor - The man who punches your ticket to BirminghamTranspositions - Men who wear dressesCut time - ParolePerfect Pitch - The smooth coating on a freshly paved roadWhole Note - What's due after failing to pay the mortgage after a yearQuarter Tone - What most standard pick-up trucks can haulSonata - What you get from a bad cold or hay feverFrench Horn - Your wife says you smell like a cheap one when youcome in at 4 AMBossa Nova - The car your foreman drivesFirst Inversion - Grandpa's battle group at NormandyStaccato - How you did all your ceilings in your mobile homeBach Chorale - The place behind the barn where you keep the horses
[ H U M O U R N E T ]
SUBJ: Schubert's Unfinished SymphonyOur hospital CEO was recently given a pair of tickets for aperformance of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony. Since he was unableto go, he passed the invitation to the company's Quality AssuranceManager. The next morning, the CEO asked him how he enjoyed it.Instead of a few plausible observations, he was handed a memorandumthat read as follows;1. For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing to do.Their number should be reduced, and their work spread over the wholeorchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity.2. All twelve violins were playing identical notes. This seemsunnecessary duplication, and the staff of this section should bedrastically cut. If a large volume of sound is really required,this could be obtained through the use of an amplifier.3. Much effort was involved in playing the demi-semiquavers. Thisseems an excessive refinement, and it is recommended that all notesshould be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver. If this were done,it would be possible to use trainees instead of craftsmen.4. No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passagethat has already been handled by the strings. If all such redundantpassages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced from twohours to twenty minutes.Administrative Analysis: In light of the above, one can onlyconclude that had Schubert given attention to these matters, heprobably would have had the time to finish his symphony.
[ H U M O U R N E T ]
SUBJ: The Canonical Music Q-N-A ListQ: What's the range of a tuba?A: 20 yards if you've got a good arm.Q: What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline.Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?A: The bow is moving.Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?A: Sit in the back and don't play.Q: What's the difference between a violin and a viola?A: A viola burns longer.Q: How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?A: Put it in a viola case.Q: What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?A: Seven. Of course, I wouldn't expect *you* to understand.Q: What happens if you sing country music backward?A: You get your job and your wife back.Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?A: A pair of Re-Bachs.Q: How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?A: Two. One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.Q: How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?A: One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an anchor?A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?A: Nobody cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?A: A drummer.Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?A: Give him a sheet of music.Q: How do you make him stop playing?A: Put notes on it.Q: What does a guitarist say when he gets to his gig?A: Would you like fries with that?Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?A: A-flat minor.Q: What do you get if you run over an army officer with a steam roller?A: A-flat major.Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison?A: Shoot one.Q: What's the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?A: You can tune the lawnmower.Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?A: Someone who knows how to play the trombone and doesn't.
[ H U M O U R N E T ]
SUBJ: House CallA violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, policecars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be. The chief ofpolice comes over to him and tells him, "While you were out, theconductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned itdown."The violist replied, "You're kidding! The conductor came to myhouse?"
[ H U M O U R N E T ]
SUBJ: Violin EnvyJacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph bookby a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. "There's not muchroom on this page," he said, "What shall I write?"Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint:"Write your repertoire."
[ H U M O U R N E T ]
SUBJ: Thoughts on OperaOpera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead ofbleeding, he sings.
[ H U M O U R N E T ]
SUBJ: SemiconductorsSemiconductors: Part-time musicians.
[ H U M O U R N E T ]
SUBJ: Steven Wright on HarmonicaSteven Wright: I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is ifI get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
[ H U M O U R N E T ]
SUBJ: How To Buy A Stereo1. Carefully calculate power requirements, based on room dimensions,etc. Multiply by a factor of 100.2. The ideal system should have as many lights as possible,preferably blinking and flashing in time with the music.3. The components should all have black metal finish, and generallylook very C00L.4. The system should be broken up into as many components aspossible. (e.g. pre-amp, pre-pre-amp, post-amp, etc.)5. The most important part of a stereo system is the speakers, theyshould look very cool. Size and number of sub-speakers isimportant. (e.g. woofers, tweeters, sub-woofers, super-sub-woofers,etc.)6. The system should resemble the cockpit of an F16 or 757 aircraft.7. The system should have full remote control capability, includingover the mobile auto cellular phone so that the stereo can beplaying as you get home.8. Should have the capability of playing different music in everyroom of the house.9. Components should have a cool names.10. The complete set up should put a major recording studio or largeradio station to shame.11. Having state of the art equipment is not enough. You should bea year or two ahead of everyone else. Equipment over the warrantyperiod is obsolete and should be disposed of promptly.12. The most important factor... Out of everyone you know who ownsstereo equipment, yours should be better.
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SUBJ: New Country-Western Song Titles"Don't Cry On My Shoulders Cause Your Rustin' My Spurs"Drop-Kick Me, Jesus, Through the Goal Posts of Life."How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?"How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?"I Can't Love Your Body if Your Heart's Not In It"I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling."I Fell In A Pile Of You, And Got Love All Over Me"I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart."I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She's Out of Town."I Wouldn't Take You to a Dog Fight Even If I Thought You Could Win"I'll Get Over You, as Soon as You Get Out From Under Him"I'm Just a Bug On The WIndshield of Life."I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here"If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You"If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low"If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will"My Every Day Silver Is Plastic"Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone"You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat."You're The Reason Our Baby's So Ugly"
Anyone Without a Sense of Humor Is At The Mercy of The Rest of Us.
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