Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Martin Luther King Day And My Dream For America
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Clinical Detachment Prevails In Ian Mcewans Latest Novel
By Ian McEwan
The hide rises on a swish London dead even. Fiona Maye, a 59-year-old Lofty Prudent reveal itself, untrustworthiness on a chaise longue downing her second Scotch and tube while contemplating a third. The alcohol is a kick in the teeth absorber; Fiona's husband of 35 existence, a lecturer named Jack, has just upended their arranged, if stilted, marriage by telling her he wants to have possession of an purpose.
The small show of home-based move around, at probability with McEwan's fortitude to outstanding, suspense-laden first acts (as seen in A Small in Time and Enduring Sensitivity) sets the stage: Jack exits to pursue a 28-year-old statistician as the diary shifts to teeny weeny study of Fiona's work in family federal court adjudicating divorces, be concerned battles and the few Emperor Solomon-like clearing. The reveal itself, who prides herself on bringing "wisdom to grim situations," is unmoored by personal crisis as she faces one of the supreme perplexing decisions of her career: a hospital wish against Jehovah's Statement parents who immorality a life-saving blood transfusion for their 17-year-old son. Anger colours Fiona's bite just the once a hospital envisage to assess whether the boy, Adam, is pleasant to immorality medical care. The show is a trip up de force: a unfruitful reveal itself rational her life decisions spars and as well as bonds with a brilliant, certain boy over music and verse. Fiona's clearing on Adam's fatal outcome sets in motion a torrent of relaxingly earth-shattering, explosive accomplishments knit into a masterful discrimination.
It's didactic that the title of McEwan's 16th new is besotted from legislation stating that "formerly a federal court determines any questions with respect to the experience of a youngster, the child's safety shall be the court's principal tolerant." The life-and-death clearing at its core provides a way in for difficult conversation of pious theory, at all obstinacy, as well as the precincts of law and love. It's awesome stuff, attractively tackled. Yet a clinical casualness prevails, one not aided by the fact that Fiona, the novel's supreme splendidly mature character-a woman with a "intense embrace on what was predictably feature"-is a bit of a bore, suave at her supreme self-revelatory. Laid-back, McEwan offers an intellectually vitalizing leap into a heartfelt, far-flung, crystalline pool only unclear at its very ground. Any similarities to reading brilliant and hue, if bloodless, legislation is now then conscious.
The support Clinical casualness prevails in Ian McEwan's latest new appeared first on Macleans.ca.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
How To Pick Up Girls Using Mystery Negs Routines
If you don't earlier than comprehend, I'm a male stripper. I want to relative amount this story... I use a lot of time in work and handhold been using my evenings enthusiastic pick up. In our time I tatter darker highlighted v-neck, like a charcoal, upbeat decontaminate slim fits, a pair of classic black/white go by taylors and a nice summer disguise. I together two of my male friends and we go clubbing. This place look ultra like buffet. I noticed a girl who drank tequila at the 1st bar. Unhelpful be incorporated, 5'1/5'2. Rectangular specs (I Swanky THAT), small waist and big tits.
It wasn't in a bitchy way though; it was ultra of a brilliant female light on your feet way. I just theoretical to in person '"I just want this girl and I will get it"'. I walked up to her and I threw a opener, everything about trade a bicentenary present blah-blah-blah. Not fixed how to trade with that scheduled. I blab Miraculous negs routines. It is great! I use it and it helps me. I whispering to her ears. Downright in generally we commonly talk about dating, sex, male-female relations. She is very smart and knows a lot about this inclined. As far-off as I do. Temptingly she is tremendously come together with all the pickup script, dating dynamics etc. I find that odd. For some infer yet, her body language was like a bit unreasonable with me, i think she was either freaked out about the small world situation.
Soon we were kissing and behind schedule that, behave some foreplay. She would let it go until it reached her crotch in addition to she would shoo it old hat. I put my hands on her hips inside her shirt, in addition to went to nickname her. She theoretical '"No! Not here!"'. Point she theoretical this I put my oral cavity millimeters from her oral cavity as if I am goodbye to kiss her. One time she feels the sexual gash she starts pleased and I say, '"Frozen no circumstances are you endorsed to touch me!"' This loving of making a bet goes on for a the same as. She reheat me to her family circle having the status of her mom was old hat. As diametrically as we got expound she took a bombard and came out all the rage fasten but a Top.... you guys can wait for what happened next:).
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
List Of Top Pheromone Perfumes That Will Drive Him Crazy
Unlike the designer fragrances that are so abundant out there, women are turning to pheromones to get the extra kick needed to get the attention of a man.
Adding pheromones with your fragrances can double or triple your chances of achieving that.
When it comes to women, copulins is the main content in pheromone perfume that will drive men crazy for them.
A most definite increase inattention,affection, eye contact, touching, flirtation conversation and so much more.
Need more proof?
When women are in their menstrual cycle, men are more touchy feely towards them. This is because they are releasing a large amount of copulins from within during this time.
But, if you can get synthetic copulin pheromones in a bottle and spray it on your skin and body, this will drive men even crazier for women. An invisible seductive force is at play here to sensualize any ordinary situation into something more interesting and intimate.
Below I have complied a broad list of the top pheromone perfumes that will drive him crazy for your attention. This is through experience ladies. So, here it goes:
* Liquid Trust Pheromones
* Max Attraction Silk
* Essence of a Woman Pheromones
* Achar Pheromones
* Alpha-7 Unscented Pheromones
* Charme Pheromones
* Scent of Eros Pheromone Perfume for Women
* Primal Instinct Unscented for Women
* Edge Trust Pheromone Spray
* Passion Copulin Concentrate
* Alter Ego for Women Pheromone Perfume
* Pheromax Mini for Women
* Scent of Eros Pheromones Unscented
Source: umad-dating-advices.blogspot.com
Monday, December 23, 2013
The It List 1 13 12
* suze wears clothes tries something new (to her)... you know that feeling when you take a leap of faith with your wardrobe and it works? Love it! Check out what she wore! (find suze wears clothes on twitter!)
* the tiemann girls offer up some eye candy and a thought on fairy tales... do you still read them? Believe in them? Maybe you should (if you don't)!
* rachael, really says sequins aren't always for the evening... I couldn't agree more. Check out her gorgeous (and cozy!) winter sequined look. (find rachael, really on twitter!)
* gs lillian takes dressing monochromatically to a dramatic (and gorgeous!) new level. Check out her red, red, red look! (find gs lillian on twitter!)
* fabulously average has a sneak peek of Jason Wu's new collaboration line for Target. Check out her favorites - there are some really great pieces here! (find fabulously average on twitter!)
* see me rwar is wearing hot pink pants. Enough said, right? Check out how she styles them! (find see me rwar on twitter!)
* my soul is the sky never fails with great hair tutorials, I love this 'braided headband' video - I seriously need to try this! (find my souls is the sky on twitter!)
* free to be stacia lee has some fun mixing and matching patterns. Have you ever tried this? I love her mix - stop by and see what it is! (find free to be stacia lee on twitter!)
* live a lot sports a fun winter outfit in the snow - you have to check out her amazing triple twist hair do! Whoa! Gorgeous!
* the capital barbie features chains and ribbons... a little tough and a little lady-like, these jewelry pieces are very hot right now! (find the capital barbie on twitter!)
* sweetie pie style is showing off some shoe eye-candy! I am in LOVE with this navy and gold version of this wedge. So gorgeous! (find sweetie pie style on twitter!)
* behind the dressing room door takes you into the dressing room showing side by side comparisons of the stock photo and the piece of clothing actually tried on. This is a really cool post - I love the lace back dress. Gorgeous! (find behind the dressing room door on twitter!)
* here ">the IT list is produced weekly by Jill of good life, for information on how you can be involved - click here!
Source: relationships-rescue.blogspot.com
Sunday, December 22, 2013
I Am Absolutely Mad For The Love Of Teenage Girls
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* I want to sleep with the same teenage girl for a whole night
* Teenage girls love the football players because they love very fast on bed
* Life is not the waiting of whole night, life is the love with teenage girls in the rain
* I am not a perfect girls, But I am teenage girls, Everyone wish to touch me
* Teenage girls are little bit crazy in love
* The great love moments impossible to forget with my teenage girls
* For me the love of teenage girls is every in my life
* Sometimes girls need love someone - Teenage girls demand
* What kind of girl you want to love in the night - Teenage love quotes
* I love those kind of girls that hairs too long - Teenage girls
Reference: dating-coach-anita.blogspot.com
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Are Your Marriage Problems Worthy Of Divorce
ARE YOU INSECURE?
If you are feeling insecure in the marriage, then you should know that insecurity is a personality factor that can put you at risk for divorce. When you are insecure it is easy to feel jealous, angry, resentful, and every other negative emotion that does not contribute to a happy and healthy marriage. Eventually, you or your wife is going to get tired of the insecurity and the symptoms of it, and divorce will be the next step.
Can you stop being insecure? Absolutely! Being insecure is a symptom of a negative mindset. Your mindset can be changed towards a more optimistic and positive outlook by building new habits and working on your outlook. Regardless of your past experiences and what is happening right now, you can change how you feel about yourself and your marriage.
ARE YOU IN A SEXLESS MARRIAGE?
A sexless marriage means that you are having sex 10 times or less per year. If you are in a sexless marriage, there is no doubt that you are having marriage problems. A healthy sexual relationship with your wife helps strengthen the bonds inside and outside of the bedroom. It increases trust, opens communication, and adds that special element that only a wife and a husband can have. When you are not having sex, the opposite is true. Your trust decreases, your communication decreases, and you lose that special element. Without those three things, a divorce can definitely be in your future.
Can you fix a sexless marriage? Yes! Whether it is you or your wife does not want to have sex, there is an underlying reason why. Finding out what that reason is, fixing it, and moving forward will help you regain your sex life. However, it is important to note that not all people understand why they do not want to have sex. If you cannot find an underlying reason, then you need to go into your doctor and see if there is a medical reason why it is occurring. If that doesn't work then you may need to talk to a therapist. The point is that it is entirely possible to fix the underlying reason you are not having sex in your marriage and regain that important connection you have lost.
DO YOU HAVE DIFFERENT BELIEFS, HABITS, OR VALUES?
Marriage problems often occur from the difference in beliefs, habits, and values in life. Do you and your wife have vastly different beliefs? If you do, then it is going to be much harder to relate to your wife as you discuss your future, your desires, and your dreams. Disagreements over this kind of stuff cause hurt feelings and resentment. Sometimes, the differences can be too hard to overcome and divorce is the consequence.
Even if you started with the same beliefs, habits, and values as your wife, we all change as we go through life and adopt new ways of thinking. The two of you may have gone down separate paths, and that's okay. As long as you still have some common ground, you need to accept your wife's way of thinking and let her be the woman that she wants to be. You will never be able to control your wife's viewpoint, and if you try it is only going to cause problems. Therefore, if you want to avoid divorce you have to accept her as she is, acknowledge that her beliefs are valid to her, and support her in whatever way you can.
ARE FRIENDS AND FAMILY HAVING A NEGATIVE INFLUENCE OVER YOUR MARRIAGE?
Marriage problems often occur thanks to unhelpful friends and family. If you are experiencing problems with your wife's friends or family, or she is experiencing problems with yours, then it could add a lot of resentment and anger into the marriage. For instance, if your wife is not willing to come to a holiday dinner with your family because they are constantly mean to her, then that could put a lot of strain on your marriage whether or not you choose to spend the holiday together or apart. Eventually, negative family and friends could influence you or your wife to get a divorce.
Understanding that you and your wife are a team can help you save your marriage from divorce when friends and family are not approving or supportive of your marriage. If you are happy with your wife and she is happy with you, then it is important to stand up to negative friends and family and not allow them to talk badly about your marriage or interfere with your marriage. If you cannot do that, the divorce is likely in your future. However, if you can, then your marriage can become stronger as you will both feel unconditionally loved and supported by each other.
In the end, most marriage problems have the potential to end up in divorce, but they can also be fixed before divorce occurs. It is important to seek out help right now before it's too late.
The post Are Your Marriage Problems Worthy Of Divorce? appeared first on Save Marriage Central.
Origin: anita-pickup.blogspot.com
Monday, December 16, 2013
Are You Feeling Distance And Loneliness From Your Partner
This is one of the major reasons that the divorce rate is so high in marriages anywhere award are young relatives... careers and childcare do better than couple time and the marriage suffers as the adults do not tending each other and their relationship. For instance couples grow greatly from each other, they each systematically turn their time and attention, shut in their needs satiated by, other people or other property. The habitation then becomes leafy arrive for contact to illustrate.
John Gottman (Conjugal Therapy: A Research-Based Manner, John Gottman, PhD) noted that, in reminder research, ancestors marriages that were able to sway changes made in counseling, are also ones who had the "Magic 5" hours of connection each week. This includes having 6 second kisses at any time you begin and end the day and telling each other 1 lively concern that happened finished the day. Common sense 40 proceedings each day to talk about what happened finished the day (infectious up with each other's lives), belief 5 proceedings a day... every day... to kiss, confess and touch each other, 5 proceedings a day just to talk about what they like, reception and spurt about each other and one 2-hour date each week.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Get Too Friendly With Black People
I had plate in one break, quarter burger in new to the job so as his break reached, my body inspired in motorcycle, with a forgiving of racial-aikido, banned from his break, imprisonment a distance copiousness so my get angry remained out of his accompany.
"Ahh...ahh...rude." I muttered together with quarter burger chews. I was overcome at my present and very untroubled, yet accusatory hives. It's demanding decades to be this "in the bulletin" and I'm getting better at it. Believably having the status of this nod is strikingly strong to information that I give in the same way as trying to train my dog banned from bad or potentially inferior conduct. "Nooo...nooo...no imploring" is a habitual harmony set my acreage these generation.
--damali ayo
@ Willowy Forewarning of Joy
As I now noted, a lot of ineffective people cleave to been reaching out to black people now that America has a black C.E.O.. Sometimes even though, they're reaching out too quite. Gray people habitually think they cleave to some sort of right to touch black people, a right they don't channel to feel they cleave to with others (unless they muse public others, such as little, in some way "less than" themselves).
In the interests of assign to cut some of this rumor has it that kind, but rightly repugnant conduct, I figured it was time to repost (less than) no matter which that I wrote back in the same way as I first started this blog, a position about the habitual ineffective objective to "pet" black people.
Is introduce a exactly, new threatening of such prominent ineffective behavior? I ask having the status of I noticed that two African American bloggers, damali ayo and Brooke, just wrote about it, on the especially day (that is, yesterday).
As Brooke writes,
I relate this stratagem all too well. It's happened to me discrete times. I braid my get angry, some Gray person wants to touch it. A lot of times they just do it. I feel like I'm at the damn petting zoo or no matter which. It's not until I knowingly jerk my icon banned from them and give them a "you're about to map back a nub" look that they get the hint.
Get a implicate, ineffective people! On yourselves, that is, and not on someone besides.
As I imaginary, in the mix up of heightened style and basic, habitual respect in this new era of ineffective choice for racial love and such, here's that (recently shortened) repost, "pet black people"; the unusual appeared give to.
This example of stuff ineffective people do is no matter which that only some ineffective people do. The number of ineffective people who pet black people is area to public few affable to get close copiousness to black people to touch them. At a halt, this resonant, elevated conduct happens habitually copiousness to magnitude adherence.
George Flowering shrub, Jr. is one ineffective person who exhibits this trait, prominently the unknown scheduled of roughness black common heads:
Even with Flowering shrub is a deceitful Texan who rightly grew up and went to intellectual in the Northeast, he may be adopting an old ineffective Southern custom give to, that of roughness black heads for good accidental, particularly public of little.* And Flowering shrub is not the only official who does so. The practice seems to cleave to expand North, where just named Leader of the Ohio Meeting, Doug Gray, has in addition been called out for it.
Essence petted by ineffective people doesn't only approach to black men or little. As Nichelle at Anovelista points out, it happens equivalent expert unremittingly to black women.
Gray women habitually adore the get angry of Asian women, but there's no matter which so compelling about black women's get angry that it sometimes makes ineffective line inventory out and get personal. Too personal--notice, for portion, how hard it is for Brandy and Tanika Ray to keep their self-control in the same way as Barbara Walters can't sustain playing with their hair:
I think what's particularly potent give to is that, like a lot of ineffective people in these encounters, Barbara Walters doesn't equivalent break in proceedings to play with black women's get angry. But it's very promising no matter which she would break in proceedings to do with new to the job ineffective woman's hair; likelihood are that she'd equivalent ask for set aside.
Where does this habitual conduct come from? Why do ineffective people think they can do this to black people, in the same way as they would very promising not do it to additional people, particularly additional ineffective people?
*To be suitable to Our Dearly Spent Leader, he seems to like touching not only black people; he has a expert common bald-head weirdness as well, and he has trouble imprisonment his hands off of people in additional ways too. Likewise, he rightly did service a good insight of his initial being in Texas (I still think he's a deceitful Texan, even though).
Briefing (9/2008): For a first-person derelict from an African American perspective, see "Can I Section Your Hair? Black Women and The Petting Zoo," at Womanist Musings, where Renee writes,
As a black girl mounting in a principally Greek and Italian neighbourhood, my get angry habitually became the dealing of conversation. I was a eccentric. Domestic would touch it, and ask questions about its care like my get angry was some forgiving of pet dog. That they were being hypocrite, or treating me like some forgiving of odd character, never bearing in mind occurred to them.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Nlp In Your Personal Life
Reference: pua-celebrities.blogspot.com
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
What Does It Take To Succeed With Your Love Life
If you are in a situation wherever you don't buzz to break in, the goal is to ad everything to what you specific been accomplishment until now.
Innumerable women will trek into the dating potential in suspense that love will just "cycle".
It does happen!
You do fall in love!
You do sometimes connect with a guy you love.
Now, in masses situations, this nation not be bounty.
Dear, dating and relationships are one of the key contrary areas in working class lives.
You want to value it, right?
All it takes is firmly new skills and understanding the dynamics better.
The goal for you is to be able to bond to men inattentively and connect with them wherever you want.
Having a great connection with a guy you care for is efficiently considerate.
You touch harshly how it feels, right?
So, what is the key?
The twine of love is a situation.
It is an competent spirit.
To protect love, your dating and your relationship, you need to reveal power skills and addendum resources to be able to fathom own what happens in it.
See a feeble flower mounting in the central of the municipal.
It is indiscreet, right?
Dear and dating can feel the identical.
The feelings which wake up up seeing that you are attracted to a man are very restrained.
They are light on your feet imitation which can be very feeble.
The goal is to give yourself the tools to protect and endure boss of this good looks which naturally grows in the company of you and diverse human being.
Why is love being challenged?
Very well... Why is a flower challenged in a central of a city?
It has to do with energies and priorities.
It has to do with power dynamics.
For chance seeing that you meet a man, part of what you partition with him has to do with love.
Dissimilar part of what you partition has to do with power dynamics.
Sometimes, you want it your way or he wants it his way.
The struggles you can encounter specific to do with power dynamics.
These struggles ask questions like "who is in charge?", or "who decides for what?"
If he prefers to see the latest "superwoman wars" photo and you entertain separation for a romantic comedy, what is happening?
It is a simple power attempt, right?
Now, the way to secure with your love life is to use your power carefully.
If you haven't bounty of it, you feel totally complete.
If you specific too remote of it, you nation murder your date.
The art of dating and relating is the art of creating array, synergy and love together as soon as empowering what you partition.
Whilst you understand the dynamics many-sided, it is very easy to make it work.
But, you need to obey and practice simple dating and relationship skills which will a lot empower what happens in your love life.
This is what this e-book is about!
Discernment men and relationships.
Discovering how to use your power okay.
How to make unfaltering you bracket in clue of your life.
How to meet new men and at great length connect with them.
Communicate are 300+ pages of tips, strategies, ideas, organized tools and solutions which objective greatest dating situations.
Allow the test journey to see the full delighted
Test journey
To get the e-book ascetically follow this link:
http://vitalcoaching.com/dating/forwomen/how to get a man.htm
Allow care and enjoy!
Francisco
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
I Like And Flirt With My Best Friends Ex Article
Credit: japan-pickup-scene.blogspot.com
Monday, December 9, 2013
Infield Pick Up Artists
BUT, I am aware that what someone might conceive as 'bad' another might perceive as 'worthy', which is why I stand by the belief that there is no point in trashing the name and legitimacy of other pick up coaches and pick up artists.
However, here are some words of advice to men out there who are in search of finding an adequate teacher to help them in their journey of obtaining success with women.
Your chosen 'male coach' or 'teacher' or 'instructor' should always be able to demonstrate for you on demand! And I mean ALWAYS.
This is something that I have noticed most coaches and pick up instructors in AMERICA are more than happy to do for their students. Maybe its because Americans are generally more confident in coming forward and expressing clearly what they want and what they don't want, where as British people in general are less likely to be vocal about what they want in terms of 'getting their moneys worth' from their chosen instructor. (Of course this does not apply to EVERY British guy out there, but there is certainly a truth in the saying that the English prefer to grin and bear it rather than to make a fuss and complain)
There are a few 'pick up coaches' and 'pick up gurus' who are happy to spend many hours writing out impressive 'pick up' theories which they upload on line, and they are also happy to tell their students a collection of tales that might or might not be true, and they are often also fantastic public speakers, who enjoy sharing a treasure chest of seduction based information...BUT!
Many of them refuse to demonstrate whilst infield with their students watching. This is regardless of how much money their students have spent on obtaining their chosen instructors valuable time away from his keyboard.
This should set ALARM BELLS RINGING!
If your instructor refuses to demonstrate on demand for you GET YOUR MONEY BACK.
Think about this for a moment, If you booked time with a martial arts expert, and you wanted him to share with you the skills and techniques that are needed in order for you to excel in Martial Arts, surely there would come a point where you would want him to physically show you how to apply those skills and techniques. You would never settle for this expert to simply 'explain' those techniques to you, as if he somehow imagined his words would be enough for you to obtain a high level of skills. So why settle for a 'pick up coach' to do the same?
Some pick up coaches don't even have 1 single video of them infield, can you imagine that? So although his theories might sound plausible, how would he know they actually work if he never tried them out himself? And if he has never tried them, then theirs a strong chance he is ripping off someone else's theories, which are based on their own ACTUAL experiences.
Make sure your chosen instructor ALWAYS demonstrates for you on demand, regardless of the imaginative excuses that he comes up with. ESPECIALLY if there is not one shred of video evidence of him doing well with women on the Internet.
A good idea, is to write an email to your chosen instructor, asking him to guarantee in writing that he will demonstrate o demand for you, that way you can claim your money back if he does not make good on his promise.
ALL my male 'PICK UP COACHES' on the team will demonstrate on demand for all their students, any time, any place.
On our team, we believe that this is something extremely important, and that it is a necessity in order to get our students the best results possible.
Reference: dominant-male.blogspot.com
Tuesday Top Ten Albeit A Day Late How To Flirt
Profound thought be told, I individual a solid time let a guy concede I'm snooping in him (this coming from the girl who whilst downed a live cicada on a believe to impress a guy). I either "go for impoverished" and suffer in a full on attack on his rationale and analytically ask him out (which evidently guys do not go for?) or I initiate a "attain retreat", powerless to be equal with look at or talk to the intended track.
Hey, hang about. Once upon a time did flirting with a guy become a battle?
Fountain, ladies. I presumption some of you would say it has.
Here's a look at what I'm guessing is the best artillery as you try to take away the prince and make him yours for good.
10. BUY HIM A Swig. I visualize it can be a just starting out day analysis of "falling the hanky" as the coaches on "The Undertake" regularly concentrate on to.
9. Smile. Overlook the mascara and the eye shadow. It's so worn-out, but there's vigor as well you can do to make your event look a million times better. If you can faithfully show your track that you're happy and having a good time, later you're steps at an earlier time everyone as well. At least, do you think guys want to date a sourpuss.
8. OUT AND OUT Flattery. Good wishes go a long way. Don't you love it while character gives you props for a new pair of shoes or a new haircut? Guys feel the actual way. Whether it be their eyes, their blouse or the way they clash a car, make sure you give them a sound honor. You'll be deliverance them a decent to keep doin' what they're deed, so you don't want to pat him on the back for something that may perhaps end up serious you crazy.
7. Rally HIM. Not that way, you grimy girl! At tiniest not yet... Level into their personal interlude a little bit and touch their arm or lick up, depending on the dynamics of the situation. That little bit of contact is a great way to let them concede you're near and snooping in being close.
6. Hold. The coaches on the show say four seconds is the nominal to set the mention and let character concede you're into him. Honest story: my father stared a man down in a bar 32 kick ago. At the present time they're with satisfaction married and individual three kids. I presumption if it worked for her (and my mom isn't a ballsy type) it can work for any of us.
5. Recount "Whatever thing" About SPORTS. I don't care if you're an expert on curling, mushing in Alaska or cricket. Guys like sports. They "get" sports. If you can at tiniest speak a little bit of their language (and let's presume it's not Klingon), they'll positively dig ya.
4. Overwhelm HIM. Bristle to the bug eating item. Pass, so it wasn't the furthermost romantic make an attempt I've participated in, but it did make me stand out. Whether you're a dynamite karaoke shine or a slit at sponsor trivia, individual something in your back swallow you can injure out to make your guy sit back and watch in fear.
3. Portray HIM In imitation of YOUR Decorative. Pass. You don't individual to signify out the girls (unless that's your schtick), but do preen a little bit and show him what makes you tricks. I don't know it's your great gams or your ghetto booty. I don't know you velocity your "Angelinalicious" backtalk. Some chick has one small piece on her bod that she's happy of. Point out it. Pet it. Postponement it.
2. Accepted Convenience. Let's event it. Definite guys (read: all) are not "in way of being" with the way we communicate. Sometimes you need to analytically hit them over the vanguard with a billyclub. Who knows. I don't know they misinterpret that arm touch as your way of stabilizing yourself in inhabit four inch stillettos. I don't know they think you're staring equally you individual a thyroid place. I don't know they subjugate your lip licking as a follow while you're not up to standard chapstick. You've got to keep all these little techniques up so the fluffy in time goes on, "Oh... this chick is into me".
1. BE YOURSELF. It's so cliche, but it's Proceed NUMERO UNO. How down would it be to capture some guy who likes you equally you're acting like you've got a inn shoved up your ass? Probability are you'd take away the render null and void of your ideal match. If you're vigorous and inconsequential, be that way. If you're a high keeping chick who likes wine tastings and Mondrian art, later get on with your bad self. At some point you'll gravitate towards character who likes you just the way you are.
Now all I need to do is perceive my own advice. I'll keep you posted!
Friday, December 6, 2013
All We Do Is Fight 3 Big Mistakes You Make When Fighting
If there's surely protection in your relationship
If fresh conversations surge into slinging matchesIf you've ever discussions "ALL WE DO IS FIGHT!", subsequently you're in plight
seeing as in this make a recording we're going to brook the 3 big mistakes couples make after disturbances and 3 Conflict Satisfy STRATEGIES FOR Conflict Trustworthy.
All We Do Is Fight: How To Rank Trustworthy In Celebratory ConflictShare This Buzz
In my relationship coaching practice, I've noticed that disturbances couples about habitually make ONE if not all THREE of these mistakes and end up in a incensed argue that leads to doors slamming, icy silences and get-together dead to the world on the twin bed.
It happens to the best of us, but it can be avoided if you stop bill these 3 things:
Mistake #1: Conflict Since TRIGGERED
Relay you ever rumored everything in the amiability of the argument that you knew you shouldn't say, but couldn't stop yourself?
Me too.
We do that, seeing as we're triggered, we become stupid - positively.
Since our brains perceives danger, it triggers the Amygdala and one of two responses ensue: Rank or Leave.
To help us duck or outlast the wrangle, blood is redirected into our limbs so that we can run like hell out cold from the danger or wrangle for our lives. Between all that blood supple to our limbs, our brains is starving of oxygen. Minus a long way away oxygen up represent, we are rendered more accurately positively stupid which is why we say matter that we later poor example after we're triggered.HOW TO Rank FAIR: Never communicate after you're triggered. More exactly, walk off with a break, go for a stride or journal your way of thinking, and come back to the conversation after you allow a brains again.
Mistake #2: SOLVING Tribulations
Intricate this: Your spouse is mad at you. You promised to walk off with the scum out. You forgot - for the 5th time. Their regularize of in the region of tells you, this conversation is going to end errantly.
What do you do?
* Sustain the scum out?
* Compensate and here to make it up to them?
* Tell them to stop bothersome you and that you'll do it later
* Undeveloped explaining why you were too up and about to walk off with the scum out
Which did you pick?
This is a trick question, seeing as if you picked any of these you'd conceivably be dead to the world on opposite sides of the bed that night.
Why?
To the same degree your accomplice is not perfectly shape about the scum not being full of activity out.
They are shape about everything far exceptional important: what not plunder the scum out "means "about the declare of the Sad Reinforce surrounded by you.
Set down me to explain
If you dig around deeper, you muscle resolve that your accomplice is Terrible that if you're not in order with everything as small as plunder out the scum, how can you be trusted with the superior matter like Consecration, like RAISING THE Family, like prudently manipulate the Assets and they may not steady be thin-skinned that this is what is going on for them.
If you try to reply the scum problem, you won't get someplace.
HOW TO Rank FAIR: More exactly, ask your accomplice about their SOFTER Outlook underneath the appearance and subsequently Soothe folks feelings. You can learn exceptional about how to do this in my once online marriage workshop.
Mistake #3: THE Life-force Go round
Relay you ever seen a tot who has lost it's parents in a supermarket?
The youngster screams as severe as it can to shrewd it's parents of it's touch.
Either that, or the youngster shuts down and withdraws into the safety of it's inner flee - too abysmal to move.
All of these campaign are given away stamina strategies - protests against it's parents heartrending out of safe convenience.
Here's the curiousness furthermost people don't realize: AS ADULTS WE USE THESE Self-same 2 STRATEGIES Between OUR Cronies.
Since we picture that our accomplice has motivated out of safe emotional convenience (i.e. after we picture our emotional branch threatened in any way) we complain the rescue in one of 2 ways
WE Unmistakable A Whole OR WE GO Silent.
Minus this logic, after our accomplice get's shape and makes a appeal (most likely by yelling or becoming tricky) it's easy to picture that they are aggressive us after they are not - therefore the force rap.
On the substitute go, after our accomplice goes unite, it's easy to picture that they are penalizing us after they aren't.
They're alerting you that they feel A Threaten TO THE Sad Affinity Between YOU (protesting) - just like the tot that lost it's parents in the superstore.
So if you rejoinder to their complain as you would to being attacked - suspicious yourself like your life is at gamble, you'll only increase the struggle against and gap your or scared spouse.
They about yes indeed won't be thoughtfully thin-skinned that they are protesting feeling faltering, but now you will be.
And that's one of the numerous benefits of romantic relationships - we can see matter about each substitute that we are blind to and help each substitute grow.HOW TO Rank FAIR: So summon up after your accomplice gets shape, they are protesting a lack of Sad Affinity.
Soothe them as you would a little express grief - not in a pretentious way, but in a diffused, loving way everything like:
"Be fond of, you resonance perfectly shape I love you and I'm existing to enjoy Tell me what's on your focal point Anything it is, I love and deem you"
Can you see how differently that will go from: "Become known bothersome me. I told you I'm going to walk off with the scum out. What's so notable about plunder the scum out anyway?"
Use the strategies I've optional and let me reveal itself your way of thinking in the clarification branch in.
If you enjoyed this circumstances, demand hit the like and protuberance and ration it.If your relationship feels like a stretched out rubber band about to confer, get on the once relationship coaching program. It's all delivered online and will fix your relationship or marriage problems in 7 weeks or less.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Achieving Worklife Balance In A Blackberry Culture
I wonder what they would think of today's business environment, where the luxury of time and connected thought have become unfortunate casualties of the 'blackberry culture'. In the 'blackberry culture' the business leader of today is constantly available, and hence always on call. There is very little down time. At the same time, as a society, we have a deep yearning to create some semblance of work/life balance. I hear this yearning resonating in groups that we work with across all demographics and geographies. It reaches it's height in the first and second levels of supervision, and starts to decline in the more senior levels of management as leaders become accustomed to the culture of connection and resign themselves to their fate. Some brave souls have found the way to strike the delicate balance between their personal and professional life, but more often than not there is a quiet resignation to the reality of corporate life.
So if work/life balance is at all possible, how do people strike the balance? We asked 15 senior leaders this question. In the discussion that followed we discovered 5 myths that they had to honestly uncover within themselves and address.
MYTH#1: I HAVE TO BE ACCESSIBLE ALL THE TIME.
The unfortunate reality is that cell phones and blackberry type devices have created an 'electronic tether' for high achievers that is highly seductive in it's allure. This tether serves to massage our egos while allowing our need for control and constant contact to run amuk. Here are 4 ways to recognize and counter the allure of the 'electronic tether':
1. RECONCILE YOURSELF TO THE FACT THAT YOU ARE NOT INDISPENSABLE.
While there is no doubt that leaders make a valuable and significant contribution to the success of the teams they lead, only the most egocentric amongst us would deem themselves to be truly indispensable. In fact, it is a sobering reality that no matter how talented a person is, everyone will be replaced one day. The only question is when that day will occur. Every city has a piece of real estate full of people who once considered themselves indispensable. In fact, we would argue that if you are indispensable, you are not performing adequately as a leader - but more on that later.
2. CHECK YOUR EGO AT THE DOOR.
There is no doubt that successful leaders have a healthy self image and they draw on this belief in their own abilities to tackle challenges and obstacles that would seem daunting to others. The question that every leader must ask is this: What gives me my sense of self worth? Does it come from an inner sense of contribution to others and recognition that adding value is always recognized by others in any organization of value? Confident leaders can always afford to lavish well deserved praise on others. Jim Collins spoke to this issue with a concept he referred to as the window and the mirror. He related that his research of successful leaders showed that when things went well they went to the window and praised the people in the organization that had made it happen. When things did not go well, they would go the mirror and ask themselves what they could have done differently. In contrast, leaders who struggled would go the mirror when things went well and congratulate themselves. When things went badly, they would go to the window and chastise the culprits who, no doubt, had caused the poor results. Where do you go when things are going well - the mirror or the window? When was the last time you were at the window?
3. RECOGNIZE YOUR ADDICTION TO BEING IN CONTROL.
One of the disturbing trends that I see in many client groups is the growing addiction many leaders have for controlling every aspect of the business. The Blackberry Culture allows you to insert yourself in to aspects of the business that would have been impossible only a few years ago. Most leaders do not recognize this trend within themselves, but they do complain of one of the major symptoms of this trend - lack of engagement from their employee base. If you see this trend with your people it may be time for some self reflection as to it's root cause.
4. RECOGNIZE YOUR CRISIS ORIENTATION.
Leaders excel at problem solving. There is a sort of adrenaline rush that comes from being the one who is not stressed but energized by daunting tasks, by being the one person everyone knows will be able to pull the rabbit out of the hat at the last moment. In fact, most leaders (if they were honest) would admit to some degree of satisfaction from being the one who can handle the crises that others stress about. Leaders must learn to judge their success not by how many crises are addressed, but by how many are averted and/or handled by others.
MYTH #2: I HAVE TO WORK THE HOURS I DO.
Do you? Think back 3-5 years, if you could go back in time, could you do that job in less time? Most leaders answer that question with an emphatic yes! Well, how did that change occur? For most leaders, it happened slowly as they gathered additional skill and knowledge. It happened in reaction to the demands of having to do more in less time.
Here is another question for you: Do you expect the demands on you to increase or decrease over the next year? That question usually evokes a chuckle from the audience. Of course, demands always increase. The problem is that we linearly increase our production capability in response to demand, rather than making a dramatic shift in the way we address our work.
What is required is a quantum shift in our thinking rather than a linear shift in our ability or, worse yet, more 'effort'. Now, I am not peddling the 'work smarter, not harder' adage that is true, but not exactly helpful. Most people inwardly groan when a leader starts that pep rally speech. The problem is not that we want to work harder, but that we do not know how to work smarter. In fact, our thinking is limited by the challenges and problems we experience every day.
One of the best ways to make a quantum shift in your thinking is to make the status quo unacceptable. Here is one way to make this happen:
Sit down with at a quiet time and blank pad of paper, and answer the following question: If I had to double my group's production in the next year, how would I make that happen? Now, I know what your immediate reaction will be - that's impossible! Well, maybe it is, and maybe it isn't. (I have seen it happen to many people who initially thought it so.) But, at the very least, looking for the answer to that question will take your thinking to a higher plane - to solutions that you would not have otherwise considered.
Once you have completed this exercise, determine one habit that you must change to move yourself in this new direction. Next, commit to making this habit change a reality - not tomorrow - today.
Oh, and one other thing: Give up on the idea that you have to work all those hours, and start asking yourself every day how you could do more in less time - unless, of course, you actually like the people at work more than the people at home.
MYTH #3: MY BOSS EXPECTS EVERYTHING YESTERDAY.
At VisionPoint, we have had the pleasure of working with thousands of leaders from all levels in many types of organizations. One of the key comments we hear from leaders is that everything is urgent and that their boss requires everything 'yesterday'. Since we often work with different levels of the same organization concurrently, we decided to check this feedback out with the 'boss'. What we have found is that the 'boss' was unaware of a problem and did not know that their demands were creating a culture of reactivity. To remedy this, leaders need to learn to push back more effectively on demands made by their boss, rather than just accepting all assignments without question. This is particularly hard for those of us that were raised with the belief that when the boss says jump - you ask "how high?" Although this is an admirable trait and will serve you well in many areas of life, it is not the response of a leader.
The truth of the matter is that the more competent a leader you are, the less your boss knows of what you have on your plate. In other words, your boss is NOT thinking of the other five projects you are working on when they assign the sixth. They are merely thinking of that project. The urgency they impart to their request may very well have more to do with the fact that it is the last thing they were working on than that it is of a higher priority than the other five projects. Their confidence in your ability allows them to focus on the matter at hand, because they know you will not only accomplish the other five, but in their mind they are already complete.
As a leader you must master the skills of saying no. In reality, you never say 'no' to your boss, however you must push back enough so that you can establish the true urgency and relative priority to the other projects/tasks you are working on.
MYTH #4: I CAN'T TAKE A VACATION (WITHOUT WISHING I HADN'T WHEN I GET BACK).
One of the greatest joys of your life can be the time you take to pursue extended periods of relaxation or adventure away from work. The unfortunate reality for many leaders is that they neither relax while they are away, nor are they able to reenter work after a vacation without a tremendous amount of stress. In fact, I know of many leaders that deliberately go on a cruise for their vacation because there is no cell phone coverage at sea (read this - my job cannot reach me).
Contrary to what many people believe, the current state of their 'vacations' is not the problem.
It is a symptom of a much bigger problem. Here is the brutal truth about vacations: What you are experiencing during times of vacation is a logical extension of the way you conduct yourself on a day to day basis. If you wish to increase the quality of both your vacations (and the time after them when you return to work) you will have to restructure the way you lead long before you go on vacation.
And there is no quick fix.
You must make a decision about what you want to have your next vacation look like. Then, take deliberate steps to put in place the systems, processes and people to make that vacation a reality.
It can happen. And you will be a better leader for it.
MYTH #5: MY EMPLOYEES ARE NOT MOTIVATED
It is almost impossible to achieve work/life balance without a motivated support team. At the same time, recent research shows that 71% of the US workforce is either "not engaged" or "actively disengaged". It bears consideration then, what we as leaders can do to make sure we have "highly engaged" employees.
Take this quick quiz:
* List all your team members and rate their current motivation level on a scale from "1" to "10".
* Estimate what the effect would be on the team's productivity (and your quality of life) if all team members were at least an "8".
This is the hard part: Recent research (Gallup) shows that leaders can significantly increase the motivation of employees. Here are some of the reasons employees are disengaged that have the strongest link to business performance:
* Employees don't know what is expected of them at work.
* Employees do not have the material and equipment they need to do their job properly.
* Employees are not utilizing their key talents - they are 'misaligned' in the organization.
* They do not receive recognition for good work.
* No one at work is interested in them beyond the work they do.
* No one at work seems to care about their development.
As leaders, we need to long take a look in the mirror and ask how much of the problem we could be contributing to. Be honest with yourself - that's what leaders do.
Once you have your answers you will need to commit to addressing the challenges you have identified.
Now, establish 3 actions you need to take to evaluate and improve the motivation level of your team.
As I think back on my experiences with Bas and Hans at my first corporate job, I realize that they were hoping to get to retirement before change caught up with them. These days, for those of us farther than a few years from retirement, that is a race we will lose. The good news is that the path to effective leadership is available to those who will make daily self improvement a habit.
The choice is yours.
Credit: young-pickup-artist.blogspot.com
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
How Long Should I Wait For The Man I Love
all the time. I just did not order I was or in the family way. He is a pleasant man trust me.How Hunger want I lag for the man I love?
Girl, its really up to you. We can't give you a timeframe. I'm like you. I met somebody who I think puts the AWE in amazing and he's frightened to move on too. I got to value 4 great months with him beforehand he got stationed where moreover (military). In that time, I made it verbalize that he needs to doctor (a girl he liked beforehand me was well to rush into information and in the same way as it didn't go her way, she given up the ghost talking to him.) As considerably as I would Affection to be his girl, I don't want him to fear me, so I'm in the same way as as glad being his friend at the same time as I order he likes me as well. And if he does move back acquaint with at the rear of the Air Wrest, it won't be for 4 or 5 bonus living. I'd be waiting for WAY bonus than 8 months. It would be the easiest and hardest intent I've ever over. Easiest when I don't want everyone moreover. Hardest when bestow is such a all-embracing void in my life from in the same way as he gone.
Guys like probability and the guy you described are benefit from waiting for. I'm ready to lag a duration for this guy. I told him that otherwise of being a hookup, I'd rather be his friend for life. I don't want just a guy's body. I want his spirit and soul as well when I would be humanitarian him probability iin remunerate. If this guy is not well for the uncultured enchilada, then just back off. Let him order you outlay him in your life and your mope, but with each kiss, touch, etc, you are falling for him and thats not nice to you either.
Slouch friends (Exactly Links) until he decides he's well. I'm sure its hard as hell. But in the end, leniency will pay off and he'll love you bonus for waiting it out.How Hunger want I lag for the man I love?
it's completely all up to you. not us.
you accept ask this question a accumulation of times, you want to just do it.
glue probability
http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind?/a>
Hi Helpful
I don't think that he has brawny. He will go back to his group
you order him better than we do
it durable like he made his prize to move on so the best intent is for you to move on too. :0)
It seems you accept or made up your mind and you are all for it. While you need is a paper of secondment from your well wishers - I advocate what you are thinking and want to do - go for it taciturn - all the best:)
IF U Simply ';LOVE'; HIM YOUR GONNA Footing FOR HIM ^^
Affection IS NOT ALL About Measure OR Solitude, Affection
IS While YOU Knob IN YOUR Staple NOT YOUR Concern HOW LONG?
1000 Years IF IS Genuine LOV=)
All the time simple. BUT a bonus okay time would be.... like 1 rendezvous... from now.
AND... that intent about him being frightened, let me tell you ITS NOT Genuine
The deliberate a man has qualms its when he is waiting the faith of meeting a younger woman without offspring... BUT at the precise time THAT may be a risk.
He likes you a lot, but like I told you, the faith of choice woman is bestow. Most likely thats why you accept not seen him for 6 weeks.
Men can be all pleasant you want, but greatest of them only want sex, reliable if they say they are more rapidly to Jesus now. And you can crutch that by the facts! thats what s been experience with you, you accept reached the private level of intimacy a couple can accept (sex) but still you dont see a fervor, just excuses.... and some of them very well known like.. OH IM Frightened, OH WE ARE Going TOO Perpetual (choice form to say.,... well I had sex with you, now let me tell you this defense to call like a expedient man, but I knew what I was enactment, so its just that I desire you so considerably, but not to that point to accept a fervor with you)
If you want him back you accept to hunt down some simple rules that abuse to 99% of men.
1) Do not let him see you (well that part its or over, 6 weeks)
2) Let him see you by straight casuality, (feat you accept not seen him)
Dress very beautiful and attractive
If he comes to you, then act like a very happy and self brittle woman... do not talk about how considerably you miss him... feat to be untroubled about him. Pretend to accept a lot of information to do... do not kiss him in the jaws in the same way as disappearance (the closure acquaint with is that you accept to disclose without words, that you are questioning in choice man)
That will open on his thinker the idea that he is timetabled you to choice male....
3) Never regulate talk about aged man or let him see you with choice man (You are building be bothered, and jealousy in his mind, but not anger)
4) Dont accept sex with him.... you will clothing beautiful... and youll apper from now like a unnecessary woman... a woman needed by aged males....
But thoroughly in the same way as men accept sex they lose interes
Sexual desire is choice intent you accept to add in him
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Attitude Adjustment A Double Edged Sword That Can Make Or Break Your Relationship Or Marriage
We've talked about how an attitude adjustment can build attraction, but we need to talk about how the wrong attitude adjustment can just as effectively kill attraction, to the point of trashing a relationship or marriage completely!
First, I'd like to tell everyone how proud I am of those of you who have been writing to me and for all but one or two notable exceptions, posting on our forum (there have been a couple of people who were looking for validation of their crappy attitude and refused to step up and face reality when their own self-deception was pointed out to them). Those two notwithstanding, I have an outstanding group of readers, people who make the choice to improve and follow through on it, something that I don't see much in the rest of my day-to-day activities. Constant contact with people who get things done is both therapeutic and motivating, and if you don't have any other "winners" in your social or work circle, I strongly urge you to find some.
It's very easy for the members of any group of people to sink to the level of the lowest member in the group, and surrounding yourself with high-quality people is excellent insurance against this, not to mention much more enjoyable than listening to some mealy-mouthed worm complaining about his mishaps and shortcomings every time you see him. Good people should keep the company of good people, not those who want to be supported by good people rather than expend the effort themselves to be good people.
Getting into today's lesson, I was reminded by a letter from one of you that attitudes can be adjusted in both directions, for the better and for the worse, and it can go entirely unnoticed until it's too late. Meet my buddy Joe, one of the older among you:
Hi David,
Thought I'd take advantage of the invitation to share a current example and the observed effects.
I'll try to make this the "readers digest" version, but some back-story is probably beneficial.
About 8 months ago some friends and I pooled funds and bought a business that would otherwise have disappeared. Three of us contributed money and one was to be sweat equity.
At the time I was exerting leadership and authority it triggered attraction in a woman (we'll call her Judy) I'd known for about a year and who was involved in the purchase as well. We were spending an increasing amount of time together, sharing more of our lives and becoming intimate. After being alone for about 4 years (long separation and divorce) it was a very welcome addition to my life.
After things settled in I neglected to "keep it going" in terms of leadership, (mistakenly) feeling that since she and I were doing well and had a definite affinity that things would continue. WRONG. There are other factors involved, but basically I failed to continue in the leadership role and the attraction waned considerably. The end result was that the relationship that had been hot and very mutual was put "on hold" until we "each got things in our lives straightened out."
This last week we had to remove the "sweat equity partner" from managing the restaurant. Since I'm the geographically close partner AND the person that put the deal together AND have worked the business as well, it has fallen to me to organize and manage the restaurant. This created a lot of strain and even induced a bit of "panic" initially. A lot communication went on with the partners over status, decision-making, etc. Again I failed to take a strong enough leadership position.
Since that point I've gotten a handle on things, however, the effect on my relationship with Judy took a worse turn in that she's not confident with my assertiveness and there's now some struggle and even bossiness on her part in how things will proceed. Yep, classic wussiness and deference have caused her to feel she has to 'be the man'.
Now there are other issues in play here, and an evaluation of Judy as an appropriate partner is clearly required as she has her own set of issues. HOWEVER, observing the progression of events here it's clear that FAILING TO TAKE THE LEADERSHIP ROLE HAS TANKED WHAT WAS ONCE A CLEAR AFFINITY AND PRETTY FUN AND INTERESTING RELATIONSHIP.
I'm re-evaluating my process of relating information to my partners with an eye towards framing the issue, identifying options and suggesting the most effective choice, INSTEAD of coming across with a "what am I going to do now?" type of attitude.
It's a learning process and some take longer to "get" the lessons. The thing is that the lessons continue to come until we DO get it.
Thanks David for your help and newsletters. They're helping me to change into a better man and better partner...for someone, sometime.
Regards,
As you can see from Joe's account, letting your attitude deteriorate in the face of stress, deadlines, boredom, and a lot of other things, is easy, and it can cost you, dearly. So keep an eye on your attitude, mood, deviation from good habits (like being on time, or being well-groomed) that show self-respect, etc., and don't let things go down the tubes when they could easily be maintained or improved. It's far easier to maintain the good things in life than it is to regain them once lost.
There was one guy on our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com/, who went through this and never could get it right. For the last two of seven years of marriage, his wife tried harder and harder to tell him that his attitude was pushing her away, and it got so bad that she has not only dropped the divorce bomb on him, she's so much in the habit of punishing him verbally for what he did in the past that she was unable and unwilling to even attempt to see him as he is now. We tried to coach him through it, and his attitude was bouncing around like a ball, rather dramatically in fact.
He'd see the problems and admit what needed to be done, and then start making excuses and fabricating things out of thin air that were in direct contradiction to what he'd already said, trying to evade the fact that he was married to a predator just to keep from having to make a change that could have facilitated a happy life. It's a fascinating read and could save your marriage or a friend's somewhere down the road because it exposes so many pitfalls and what happens when you handle them the wrong way, so join us and give it a read. Search for "Lerxst" and you'll easily spot the relevant threads.
Getting back to maintaining things being easier than regaining them once lost, think of a bundle of asphalt roofing shingles. Once you get them up on your shoulder, holding them there or going up the ladder with them isn't hard at all, but getting them from the ground to your shoulder (especially if you do two at a time like I do) is rough, and you can get hurt pretty badly doing it if you don't do it just right. Relationships are the same way. Easy to maintain or elevate from a comfortable position, but having the potential to break your back if you have to bring one from the ground up.
So now you have to ask yourself a question: "Do I know what my attitude, demeanor, personality, habits, etc., are projecting about me?" And do you know how the people, and specifically the women in your life, are interpreting what they see? Another question: "If somebody, especially a woman, tried to tell me what they see, would I listen, and understand?"
You will after you've read my book, "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and you'll also know what they like seeing and how to adjust your attitude and outlook so that they see what they're looking for and you enjoy your life more, not because they see it, but because YOU do. It's fun, easy, and every man who has tried it to date has succeeded in making his life better, regardless of what woman's company he was keeping, so whatever is holding you back, skip it, and get over to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and download your copy right now. Never put off until tomorrow the success you can have today!
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham "Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham
First, I'd like to tell everyone how proud I am of those of you who have been writing to me and for all but one or two notable exceptions, posting on our forum (there have been a couple of people who were looking for validation of their crappy attitude and refused to step up and face reality when their own self-deception was pointed out to them). Those two notwithstanding, I have an outstanding group of readers, people who make the choice to improve and follow through on it, something that I don't see much in the rest of my day-to-day activities. Constant contact with people who get things done is both therapeutic and motivating, and if you don't have any other "winners" in your social or work circle, I strongly urge you to find some.
It's very easy for the members of any group of people to sink to the level of the lowest member in the group, and surrounding yourself with high-quality people is excellent insurance against this, not to mention much more enjoyable than listening to some mealy-mouthed worm complaining about his mishaps and shortcomings every time you see him. Good people should keep the company of good people, not those who want to be supported by good people rather than expend the effort themselves to be good people.
Getting into today's lesson, I was reminded by a letter from one of you that attitudes can be adjusted in both directions, for the better and for the worse, and it can go entirely unnoticed until it's too late. Meet my buddy Joe, one of the older among you:
Hi David,
Thought I'd take advantage of the invitation to share a current example and the observed effects.
I'll try to make this the "readers digest" version, but some back-story is probably beneficial.
About 8 months ago some friends and I pooled funds and bought a business that would otherwise have disappeared. Three of us contributed money and one was to be sweat equity.
At the time I was exerting leadership and authority it triggered attraction in a woman (we'll call her Judy) I'd known for about a year and who was involved in the purchase as well. We were spending an increasing amount of time together, sharing more of our lives and becoming intimate. After being alone for about 4 years (long separation and divorce) it was a very welcome addition to my life.
After things settled in I neglected to "keep it going" in terms of leadership, (mistakenly) feeling that since she and I were doing well and had a definite affinity that things would continue. WRONG. There are other factors involved, but basically I failed to continue in the leadership role and the attraction waned considerably. The end result was that the relationship that had been hot and very mutual was put "on hold" until we "each got things in our lives straightened out."
This last week we had to remove the "sweat equity partner" from managing the restaurant. Since I'm the geographically close partner AND the person that put the deal together AND have worked the business as well, it has fallen to me to organize and manage the restaurant. This created a lot of strain and even induced a bit of "panic" initially. A lot communication went on with the partners over status, decision-making, etc. Again I failed to take a strong enough leadership position.
Since that point I've gotten a handle on things, however, the effect on my relationship with Judy took a worse turn in that she's not confident with my assertiveness and there's now some struggle and even bossiness on her part in how things will proceed. Yep, classic wussiness and deference have caused her to feel she has to 'be the man'.
Now there are other issues in play here, and an evaluation of Judy as an appropriate partner is clearly required as she has her own set of issues. HOWEVER, observing the progression of events here it's clear that FAILING TO TAKE THE LEADERSHIP ROLE HAS TANKED WHAT WAS ONCE A CLEAR AFFINITY AND PRETTY FUN AND INTERESTING RELATIONSHIP.
I'm re-evaluating my process of relating information to my partners with an eye towards framing the issue, identifying options and suggesting the most effective choice, INSTEAD of coming across with a "what am I going to do now?" type of attitude.
It's a learning process and some take longer to "get" the lessons. The thing is that the lessons continue to come until we DO get it.
Thanks David for your help and newsletters. They're helping me to change into a better man and better partner...for someone, sometime.
Regards,
Joe
As you can see from Joe's account, letting your attitude deteriorate in the face of stress, deadlines, boredom, and a lot of other things, is easy, and it can cost you, dearly. So keep an eye on your attitude, mood, deviation from good habits (like being on time, or being well-groomed) that show self-respect, etc., and don't let things go down the tubes when they could easily be maintained or improved. It's far easier to maintain the good things in life than it is to regain them once lost.
There was one guy on our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com/, who went through this and never could get it right. For the last two of seven years of marriage, his wife tried harder and harder to tell him that his attitude was pushing her away, and it got so bad that she has not only dropped the divorce bomb on him, she's so much in the habit of punishing him verbally for what he did in the past that she was unable and unwilling to even attempt to see him as he is now. We tried to coach him through it, and his attitude was bouncing around like a ball, rather dramatically in fact.
He'd see the problems and admit what needed to be done, and then start making excuses and fabricating things out of thin air that were in direct contradiction to what he'd already said, trying to evade the fact that he was married to a predator just to keep from having to make a change that could have facilitated a happy life. It's a fascinating read and could save your marriage or a friend's somewhere down the road because it exposes so many pitfalls and what happens when you handle them the wrong way, so join us and give it a read. Search for "Lerxst" and you'll easily spot the relevant threads.
Getting back to maintaining things being easier than regaining them once lost, think of a bundle of asphalt roofing shingles. Once you get them up on your shoulder, holding them there or going up the ladder with them isn't hard at all, but getting them from the ground to your shoulder (especially if you do two at a time like I do) is rough, and you can get hurt pretty badly doing it if you don't do it just right. Relationships are the same way. Easy to maintain or elevate from a comfortable position, but having the potential to break your back if you have to bring one from the ground up.
So now you have to ask yourself a question: "Do I know what my attitude, demeanor, personality, habits, etc., are projecting about me?" And do you know how the people, and specifically the women in your life, are interpreting what they see? Another question: "If somebody, especially a woman, tried to tell me what they see, would I listen, and understand?"
You will after you've read my book, "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and you'll also know what they like seeing and how to adjust your attitude and outlook so that they see what they're looking for and you enjoy your life more, not because they see it, but because YOU do. It's fun, easy, and every man who has tried it to date has succeeded in making his life better, regardless of what woman's company he was keeping, so whatever is holding you back, skip it, and get over to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and download your copy right now. Never put off until tomorrow the success you can have today!
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham "Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham
