VODKA ON THE ROCKS: Too self-conscious to actually order a martini.
MARTINI: If you're a guy, you're trying to impress (and it's probably working). If you're a girl drinking a dirty martini, you're a hot mess: the dirtier, the messier, the hotter.
WHITE RUSSIAN: Obsessed with The Big Lebowski, and probably The Daily Show. Or, you just like to drink dessert.
BUD LIGHT: You're easy going, laid back, and at home at a sports bar. If you're a girl, you know how to hang with the guys.
STELLA ARTOIS: You have no particular knowledge or affinity towards beer so you just order "Stella" cause it's familiar.
LILLET/CAMPARI/APEROL: You're twee, and possibly like to throw around words like "mixology."
VODKA CRANBERRY: When in doubt, you stick to what you drank in college.
WHITE WINE: You're definitely a woman. You're possibly a little uptight.
PROSECCO: You're often a little uptight, but tonight you're looking to party.
WHISKEY, NEAT: You're hot. Regardless of gender.
JAGER: Secretly wishing you were hanging out with your buddies.
VODKA GIMLET: You're a huge dork, but you hope sort of in a cool way?
APPLETINI: You've left the kids with a sitter and you're ready to have fun!
PIMM'S CUP: You're an Anglophile.
OLD-FASHIONED: Mad Men is your favorite show: you either want to be, or have sex with, Don Draper.
MARGARITA, ON THE ROCKS: You've decided to have a good time tonight.
MARGARITA, FROZEN: You're in Cabo.
PBR: You're drinking quickly on your way to a non-profit fundraiser, followed by a poetry reading in a former industrial warehouse.
TEQUILA SHOTS: You're either getting laid, or just getting through it.
LONG ISLAND ICED TEA: You have a drinking problem.
A BEER, WHILE AT A COCKTAIL BAR: Overprotective of your manhood or unadventurous.
A COCKTAIL, WHILE AT A DIVE BAR: Insufferable.
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