* Pay Attention Now some will say that you must make continued eye contact, but, you know, some folks find that invasive and threatening. So match what they do, if they look at you, look at them. But whatever you do, ensure that you give an appropriate level of attention to them. In Dale Carnegie's wonderful book, 'How to Win Friends all night Carnegie listened. A few weeks later, he was amazed to hear from a mutual friend how interesting his dinner companion had found him - even though Carnegie said virtually nothing all evening!
* Value Them which leads us to how you relate to them. If someone is talking to you about something, make sure you show you value what they are saying, by asking them at least one additional open question about what they are talking to you about. Remember these? The 4 W's of HoW (yea, I know!), What, Where or Who - perhaps not Why, which can be seen as a challenge at the start of a relationship. 4 easy, helpful, interested open question types.
* Be Like Them By matching physically, you will make a far greater impression. So, if they are standing, stand, leaning forward, lean forward. Ever spoken to a child? What did you do - you crouched down, didn't you. Why? Because you felt more able to communicate. It works well for big people too!
* Follow Up How often have you discussed something and then it hasn't been followed through afterwards. Promises not kept. And how did that leave your relationship with that person? Not good eh? Following through on what you promise is not just good practice, it is vital if you want to build a strong, trusting relationship. People notice, even when you don't. Also remember to underpromise and overdeliver.
* Laugh a Lot Laughter is a powerful tool in building relationships - you are sharing the same emotion, in the same moment. Ever seen two people in fits of laughter? How strong was that bond then? Pretty strong, I guess. Ever been there yourself? Yes, you know the feeling. It works, so share the fun and joy of the moment.
* Hear Them It is not about listening, it's about hearing them. So what's the distinction here? It means being so with the person that you sense other things beneath the words. This is a very powerful tool you can use. Further sensitive questioning then adds into your evidence, which can give you great clues to help build the relationship.
* Be The Audience Remember that when you are talking, you might be using the same language, but you hear it with different ears, different experiences and altogether a different 'take' on the words. A great coach I know, Elaine Wylie, had a problem with her cell phone one day and heard a serious echo. She heard herself fully before her caller responded. It was very revealing. So hear what you are saying from your audience's 'ears'.
* Give space - Listen up Have you ever spoken to someone uninterrupted for as long as it took to say all you had to say? Were there spaces where it went quiet? What did you say next? In Nancy Kilne's great book 'Time to Think' she explores great exercises to do just that. The experience is magical. Give your listener space to talk and let them fill the silences. You will have pure rapport and a recognition that you care so much.
So that's all there is to it. There maybe a few other things, but get these here somewhere like right and it will create relationships of value for you all over the place - through the rapport you have built in the moment.
Daunted? Don't be. Try one or two at a time and see the reaction - play with these ideas. Build your confidence. Enjoy the learning to Build Rapport Fast!
(c) 2008 Martin Haworth is the author of Super Successful Manager, an easy to use, step-by-step weekly development program for managers of EVERY skill level. You can get a sample lesson for free at http://www.SuperSuccessfulManager.com
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