This is an unfortunate tendency in human nature. When things are just going "OK" in life, we are usually comfortable keeping the status quo. Things aren't that bad, so why change anything? We tell ourselves the old adage, "If it isn't broken, then why fix it."
The problem with this attitude is that just because something isn't broken doesn't mean we shouldn't improve it. Perhaps improving things "now" will make sure that things don't breakdown in the future.
For me personally, and I imagine many people like me, we weren't really motivated to seek out "self improvement" until things took a turn for the worse. We had to first feel cornered and helpless before we started fighting back.
Again, this is natural - and it happens to a lot of people. Sometimes, you have to have a complete breakdown before you can start rebuilding yourself.
Before I started learning about psychology and self-improvement, I have to admit my life was really bad. I suffered from incredible depression, anxiety, and lack of confidence.
It was all built up over years of never fitting in at school, being bullied and made fun of, never being comfortable around people, and having very little goals or passions in life.
Life became a chore. I was at a point where I spent most of my days just lying in bed, sleeping, and barely eating.
I was a freshman at college, so I brought myself to go to most classes, but that was often my only time around people - I didn't want to be around "anyone" at all.
And even sitting in my classes, I was often completely miserable and a nervous wreck - constantly thinking I was being judged as a "weirdo" or a "freak." I wanted to locked myself away forever.
I even remember times crossing the streets on campus and having a small hope that a car would just hit me and end my misery. Yeah, it got that bad.
THE FEELINGS OF SADNESS, FRUSTRATION, AND HELPLESSNESS EVENTUALLY REACHED A POINT OF CRITICAL MASS. I KNEW ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY: I HAD TO MAKE A CHANGE, BECAUSE THIS CURRENT PATH WAS UNBEARABLE AND UNLIVABLE.
What was this change? It felt like I was choosing between "life" or "death." Should I just end myself? Or should I give life one more chance and see where I can go with it?
It was a tough decision, but I decided to give life another shot.
It was at this moment that I wanted to learn more about psychology and the human mind. I figured that was the main source of all my troubles and depression, as well as my potential happiness. If I could get my mind right, maybe the rest of my life could begin to fall into place.
My first experience with learning about the mind was through Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). It's a popular self-help system developed by Richard Bandler and John Grinder which was heavily influenced by early cognitive psychology in the 1960s.
I also began studying Anthony Robbins, Brian Tracy, Jim Rohn and many other popular "self help" experts who often share a lot of similar ideas taught in NLP.
While NLP isn't something that is accepted by many of today's psychologists and neuroscientists, I've found that a lot of it overlaps with similar tools taught now in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
One of the biggest changes for me was understanding that changing my "perspective" and "thinking" is really important.
For example, one limiting belief I used to have was that my thoughts were what made me to be "me." So if I try to change my thinking, that means I'm not being true to myself.
I WAS STUBBORN ABOUT CHANGING MYSELF BECAUSE I FELT LIKE THAT MEANT I WASN'T BEING TRUE TO MYSELF. THEN I REALIZED, "IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING MYSELF, IT'S ABOUT BEING THE BEST POSSIBLE VERSION OF MYSELF."
For the first time, I saw change as a positive thing, not a negative one. It was about fulfilling my potential, not trying to be something I'm not.
Unfortunately, it took me a "complete breakdown" before I could find that wisdom and begin rebuilding myself. But in many ways, I'm grateful for that breakdown because it finally motivated me to get to where I am today.
When I look back on the dark times in my life, I now recognize that they are just small chapters in a much bigger story. And without them, I may not be as strong as I am today - even though I wouldn't wish them upon on anyone.
Perhaps you feel the same way about your own "breakdowns" in the past. Or maybe you're currently going through a sort of breakdown, and this can provide a little hope and inspiration that this can be a positive turning point in your life.
Discover more tools to daily growth in the digital guide The Science of Self Improvement
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